In Regards to This Weekend,

For the better part of a year I’ve been forced to suffer the existence of one of two upstairs neighbors.  For the sake of the story, they’re a gay couple, though quite possibly the worst gay couple and, at least one, individuals I’ve ever met.  However, their sexual preferences are their own and revealing them to you here is solely for the clarification that there will be two “he’s” and “hims” involved in this post.

On to the story…We knew something was wrong when the first thing we heard come from their apartment was a loud crash and what sounded like crying and whimpering.  The story was that they were hanging a new ceiling fan, because the ones the apartment came furnished with weren’t pretty enough or something…anyway, someone fell  off the step ladder and landed on their teeny tiny dachshund, breaking her front leg.  They rushed downstairs and took her to get emergency care at a nearby vet.  Later, we’d learn that, and I’ll change names here to protect the…something, since he’s definitely not innocent, Don (for all intents and purposes) had thrown the dog across the house and every instance of a dog being beaten or abused was his own doing and not his partner’s as he’d claimed.

What would follow is countless fights between the two of them upstairs and Don running to Caitlin for support and a place to hide, not to mention a buffet of free cigarettes.  Which he would then help himself to while walking their dogs early in the morning.  I know, I’ve caught him.  More than once.  So, for months, they’d fight, Caitlin would open our door to Don and he’d come in and tell a fantastic story making himself out to be the victim so that someone else’s story would align with his own.

Some time later, we’d meet two new neighbors and become friendly enough to have them drop by nightly so our dogs could play and we would all chat.  And all of a sudden we were the bad guys.  So, I begin Operation: Bad Neighbor.  The night it began, we came home from an afternoon at my parents house using the pool.  Don exited his apartment onto his porch and tossed a bag of piss pads into our space below. I stood and watched as it looked like he’d be exiting to come pick it up and dispose of it.  He didn’t.  So the next morning, since it was there still I brought it up to their front door.  Thus began “Fallout”.

Caitlin and I opened our door to Caitlin’s sister and her boyfriend and she let Don and his partner know so that they’d have our backs if it ever came back to bite us in the ass.  He went to the front office and complained, claiming he wanted two more room mates because we had two more.  First and foremost, I’ve got my story covered when it comes to them.  As far as the office is concerned they’re here to help with the wedding planning and execution the day of.   Never mind that our lease is up shortly after that and we’ll be moving out and into a cheaper place.  I did something kind and out of the goodness of my heart because I don’t want to see family on the streets, and Don goes back on his word, despite the fact that we’ve only ever been nice to him and his partner.

On top of that, I take Caitlin, Connor, and Jhon to Disney for a day, my brother and his fiancee drop by to take the dogs out during the day and it’s all settled.  He seems to decide that it’s his business and calls animal control.  Who comes Monday morning with a complaint of loud animals and gives us 10 days to get Zelda licensed or they’ll give us a fine.  Neither of which I or anyone can pay for and will end up having her taken away and likely put down.  So thank you for that, Don.

ON TOP OF THAT, he takes a traumatic experience and tells our friends and neighbors that it’s all a grab for attention.  That there never was a miscarriage.  Caitlin has confided in Don time and time again and gotten HIS back not knowing otherwise time and time again and this is how he repays us.  This is how he repays her.  By telling people we call them criminals and nasty things behind their backs and that we never suffered the loss that we did.

Saint Patrick’s Day 2012.  Amidst a cloud of loud banging and screaming and yelling that lasted several hours I gathered the troops and left the homestead.  Come Sunday morning I found out that Don and his partner had gotten into a very public fight and had been taken to jail for the night.  This is when everything I’ve shared with you came to light.  And even more surfaced last night, that his mother, who Caitlin has spoken to time and time again when they fought.  But it came to light that she’d been planting these ideas in Don’s head and he’d been taking action.  So for the both of them, I have this to say.

 

To “Don” and His Mother,

I hope the two of you are happy together, maintaining a 1500 foot distance from the people of Building 7.   “Don”, you’ve been nothing but a shrill, unlikable, whiny brat since the day I met you.  You constantly make everything about yourself and do it so well that you believe it to be the truth.  I’ll be glad to not be living under your heavy feet any longer as now I can once again sleep soundly.  Your dogs would also like to thank you for maintaining the soon to be court appointed distance as then you can no longer break their legs, lock them in their cages, beat them mercilessly, or treat them like they’re nothing but toys.

To his mother…Madam, I reserve this word for only the most extreme of cases.  And I rarely use it lightly or in jest.  And to feel the need to brush it off and apply it directly to you and only you sets a new standard for this word as someone would have to be far far worse than you for me to ever even consider calling them this word.  You, ma’am are a thunderously obnoxious and offensive cunt and I hope you and your son die horrible agonizing deaths and suffer an eternity of being kept in cages and whipped and beaten like Don did to those animals.

On a furthered note, I’d consider coming after you for the $400+ I had to pay to my vet because my dog suffered a bladder infection because he wasn’t walked a single time when I had to leave for a few days and begged my upstairs neighbor, who I actually trusted with the simple task, to keep after him in our absence.  When we returned home we found him in pain and with no water to be seen, his bowl bone dry.   I’d consider coming after you for the total of vet bills and boarding after the fact, but I’m gonna let the guy who’s shoulder you managed to dislocate get his first, there might not be much left when he’s done.

Finally, if it so happens that restraining orders aren’t taken out.  And your partner foolishly allows you back into the apartment and his life, I’d like to make this final part clear and I’ll tell you this to your face to.  Stay away.  Don’t come to, don’t steal from, don’t speak to,  don’t even look at me and my family.  You’re a disgusting example of a human being, bored with your own life so you complicate others and I don’t want it anywhere near me.

That said.

 

Good Day,
Your downstairs neighbor.

9. Music Sucks

What follows is a concise list of truths about music.

 

1.  Country music, while a power house of an industry, gets little of the respect it so deserves.  Two separate awards shows solely for the country genre PLUS nominations in major awards shows like the Grammy’s as well as inclusion in other Pop and Billboard shows too.    It’s here to stay, and if you give it an honest chance, it’s NOT that bad.

2.  Real punk is dead.  It died a long time ago.  Kids like me, and the bands we listened to killed it.  However, no one will ever accept this, as long as anyone should remain alive.  What exists now is a post-punk tribute to the music of the past and whiny low price pop music laced with guitars so that guys have something to relate to that isn’t considered too feminine (i.e. Beiber(sp? I don’t care enough to check)).

3. Metal isn’t metal anymore, and the 7,000 subgenres of it were created specifically because frontmen and guitarists are too convoluted and involved in themselves to stick their creation into such a broad spectrum.  These messy guitars, triple bass, and throat destroying renditions of love and hate are not…I repeat NOT metal.  The term “Metal” should be reserved specifically for those bands that produce sweeping and epic albums about fire and brimstone and riding dragons into the fires of Mordor with an ice mage and sexy thief at your back.  You want complicated music?  Tony Iommi, guitarist of Black Sabbath, the dude had 3 fingers.  Rick Allen, lost his arm and continued to play the drums for Def Leppard after the accident.  That’s difficult.  That’s metal.

4.  Justin Timberlake was a gift.  And you all squandered it.  So did Timbaland, but that’s a personal complaint.

5. The fact that bands like LMFAO exist says worlds about the state of music and where it’s heading.  And where it’s heading is a dark and twisted place that I dare not travel to.  Anyone continuing down that path is on their own.

6. Dubstep isn’t music.  All Skrillex does is press play.

7. Fight and argue all you like about music, nobody is right.  Nobody is wrong either.  Let’s face facts, a fake rap band who wrote songs about cumming early and being on a boat was Grammy Nominated.

8.  There are two things no one can ever deny.  Rush and Garth Brooks.

 

Stop fighting and stop hating, unless it’s truly warranted.  Start embracing and accept what others like and don’t like.  The first step on the path of harmony is mutual respect.  You don’t demand it, you earn it.

I Have Absolutely Had it

I always intended for this to be a more personal blog, and here goes.

Just recently I took in Caitlin’s sister and her boyfriend.   After I’d agreed to that, it was brought to my attention that two cats and a large dog would be coming along as well.  Knowing full well the consequences of this decision, I agreed to this as well.  They arrived and things have gone off smoothly, for the most part.  Everything has it’s rough patches for everyone and while I can say I’ve had an overall pleasant experience thus far, some others may recall certain incidences where they have not.

One cat ran away, another cat became an outdoor kitty, and I think has gotten away or into someone else’s care as she hasn’t been back in days.  And the third is relatively quiet, doesn’t make a mess, and doesn’t bother anyone.  So we’re back down to one cat in the apartment.   As for the dogs, Donut and Zelda get along swimmingly.  Zelda has a tendency to be a little mouthy and now one of our neighbors, who swore they were on our side through all this has gone and called animal control.

This is my problem.  I go days on end stopping Caitlin from lodging complaints with the office or the police because our upstairs neighbors are loud and disruptive.  Not putting myself into their business and this is the thanks I get.  One day of some barking and they fucking call Animal Control.  They, who swore they had our backs if anyone came nosing around.  They did it.  And it was met with celebration.  Now I have to find a home for a ten year old dog these two girls have had since she was 8 weeks old, and it’s a permanent stay.

I’m livid.  I try to do something nice for someone.  Try to give someone a place to lay their head at night and get on their feet.  And someone else has to go and put that in danger by sticking their nose where it doesn’t belong, especially when I’ve looked the other way for so long.

I try to be a good neighbor.  And be a good person.  When the office came with police and entered into their home while they weren’t there, we told them it was happening.  Caitlin’s been nothing but a good friend to one of them every time things fly off the handle up there.  I’m even doing it now taking explicit care in how I word sentences so as to respect their privacy.

What do I get in return?  A reason to be an angry citizen and a terrible neighbor.

 

Game on.

Pop Pop

My grandfather had a heart attack and has been in a hospital bed since. He’s near the end now and soon he’ll be home, with his parents and friends that’ve passed in his lifetime. I stood around in a circle with my family today who came from everywhere dropping their lives for what could have been their last hours with Pop Pop.

My family is single-handedly the best family someone could ever want to be a part of. When we’re all together no matter what’s going on its a support system that works effortlessly and perfectly.

When Pop Pop leaves us he won’t ever be gone. Everyone will be taking something with them that they’ve had all along. See, Pop Pop was, and at the time I’m writing this, still is an amazing individual. He aided in one of the US Coast Guard’s most famous rescues, The Bermuda Sky Queen crash in 1947. He was also the first captain of USCGC Morgantheau, with a crew of “Just Made It’s.”. The Morgantheau is still out in the waters and we shared a moment of silence with the current crew this afternoon.

Pop Pop would pick me up from school most days of the week and back before he ever bought a Saturn I’d run out of class and look for his little orange puddle jumper or on special days “The Hi-Ho” named for the mining song of the seven dwarfs he had a sun shield featuring.

Camping, going to the arcade and the movies, the swap shop, getting to loot a selection of ten year old comic books he probably got for a dime each. It didn’t matter, I was doing things with my pop pop and my pop pop was my buddy.

I’m really going to miss him when he’s gone but I won’t ever be sad. I can’t be sad with so many happy memories.

A Moth…

A moth walks into a Starbucks.  The barista asks for his order and the moth orders a grande mocha latte with hazelnut.  This just happened to be a slow hour in the coffee shop so while making the beverage the barista asks “How are you today?” just to be friendly.  The moth replies, “Where do I even begin?  I get up at 4:30 every morning to screaming children, and since my wife deals with them all day long, I have to deal with them at 4:30 when they’re screaming.  Before long I’ve got every bodily fluid known to man that a small child can produce on me.  So I calm the kids, clean off, and shuffle off to work.  I sit in traffic for 2 hours.  Two hours every day.  I sit there, in silence, because music hasn’t been the same since I graduated high school and talk radio is nothing but screaming heads babbling about opposing ideals both and only political and religious.  I get to work, late, to be met by a waiting overling.  My boss, who fakes a can-do attitude for everyone except me.  For me, it’s complete and utter loathing and general malaise.  I hate my boss.  And I hate my job.  When I get home I lay down for all of 10 seconds to contemplate ending it all.  How would I do it, when I would do it.  And for another second I stare at the closet where the rifles my father left me in his will reside.  They’re operational and I have the ammunition.  But before I can get up to stare longingly down the barrel of sweet release I’m attacked by a small child.  My oldest.  Who I hate.  Every girl who ever made me feel like complete crap when I was in high school is everything she’s growing up to be.  And I hate her.  I feign interest in her day while we eat a mediocre meal my wife half-handedly slapped together from boxes and frozen ingredients.  Finally, I drink wine until I’m numb to the existence of the world and pass out.  Only to wake up at 4:30 in the morning by screaming children to have it all start again.”

The barista stares at the moth with his drink outstretched in hand and replies, “You sound like you need some help, why’d you come here?  Why don’t you go to a shrink?”

The moth says, “The light was on.”

Issue 10: The Muppets v. FOX News

“I understand your lopsided political agendas.  I do.  And I understand a lot of things about your network and company and it’s fine for people to have their own opinions and to voice them, especially when they’re backed up by facts.  Whether those facts are actual hard evidence facts that, in turn, are backed up by actual physical research or if those facts are hammered out by an army of chimpanzees on type writers taking large doses of opiates and other such drugs is irrelevant.

But recently your company targeted and attacked The Muppets for playing host to “an evil billionaire oil tycoon” as the movies villain and “brain washing children” into having a liberal agenda.  Pardon me for being a bit brash and abrasive with my next question, but, did everyone’s skull cave in at the same time over there?  I mean, that’s the only reason I can see for a nationally revered 24 Hour news network to play host to such claims.  There’s actual news happening in the world.  There is.  I speak for many an American person when I say this, get your heads OUT of your asses.

The Muppets only want a couple of things, to love, be loved, and to give the world the third greatest gift.  And yet, here you stand, pitchforks in hand ready to make wildly absurd claims about The Muppets introducing class warfare into a child’s mind.  It’s absolutely disgusting that someone could find that inside of a movie as pure and innocent and beautiful as The Muppets.  And then compare it something like Syriana.  WHAT?!  WHAT?!

You’ve done nothing but prove to the world, in around about 3 and a half minutes that your sole purpose in your abysmal existence is to destroy EVERYTHING that is wonderful and amazing and beautiful about this world and it’s people and it’s entertainment.  You disgust me, FOX News.  You disgust me.

Mahna Mahna.”

This was my personal reply to the Fox Network after they aired the following 7 minutes of “news”

http://mediamatters.org/mmtv/201112020036 — You’ll have to click to view.

That’s all I can really say on the matter.  I’m completely aghast at how willing they were to throw an american institution as wholesome as The Muppets completely under the “dirty liberal communists!” bus.  I really want to see people standing up against this.

Join me and fight.  Or send a strongly worded letter.

Spread The Nerd Podcast 1: James Hance and I Talk Muppets

 

Recently I wanted to make a return to podcasting.  And what I think I’m going to do is host a variety of interviews and conversations with friends and other podcasters.  The first installment of this is following the recent release of The Muppets in theaters.  I spoke to relentlessly cheerful and forever man-child James Hance all about it.  On the next installment I talk to Comic Book Alex from Just a Couple of Gs about what should be on YOUR geeky christmas wishlist.

Podcast: Update

For those of you clicking over looking for James Hance talkng about The Muppets, it’s going to be a couple days before I get it up here.  I’m sure James will let you all know when it goes up.  As I’ll let him know.  We ran into a snag while recording the latter part of the show, so I need to re-record those parts tonight.

Update: What’s Been Going On…

Well, I made an announcement here that I’d soon be a father and I’m finding now that, sadly, I have to retract that statement.  It pains me to say it, but it is the truth and while I’ve come to grips with it, I couldn’t have done it without the kind words and support of everyone I call friends and my amazing family, as well.  Every dark cloud has a silver lining and if you let the clouds loom too long you’ll be so consumed by darkness that you’ll never see that silver lining.  So it’s good to see it early to know that what’s happened may actually be okay in the end.

That said, on to something a little more…bright.

Before I started this blog, I was the host of The Talk Nerdy Show, an unpopular podcast that I put on week after week after hiatus after week with a rotating cast like none have ever seen before.  Eventually the cast dwindled down to me and I lacked the furthered enthusiasm to continue on.  And I started this blog just after, and mounted Spread The Nerd, which needs some TLC again.

I got to thinking and there’s no reason I can’t do it on my own.   So, here’s what’s to come;

I think I can collect enough talking points to do a show THIS week.  It’ll be on Wednesday night.  I’ll do it live either on UStream, or some other free service.  I’ll mention talking points coming up and take breaks.  During breaks I’ll set up with the audience for anyone that wants to join the conversation a chance to call in via Skype.    I’m going to attempt to broaden the scope of the show as far as topics go.  With TNS I got lost in doing too many reviews and really fell short on doing anything humorous or information based.  One thing I won’t be doing any more is comic book reviews.  Just a Couple of Gs does that and they do it VERY well, well enough to dedicate one of two weekly shows to the topic alone.  I’m going to stick to the other facets of geek life.  At the moment, I’m not sure about a title.  I’m considering “Talking To Myself” but am looking for feedback on that, and the idea as a whole. So, for the time being we’ll call this “Ryan Macdonald’s Big Damn Untitled Geek Podcast!”

And while the blog has been on sort of a break, I hope introducing the opinions of friends and colleagues to my show will inspire me to expand on things talked about on the show.

Please, everyone reading this, comment and let me know what you think.

 

If there are any secret faithful readers out there…

Sorry for the lack of posts lately.  Got the news that my girlfriend is pregnant and everything sort of just stopped.

I’ll be back with more soon.